Thoughts about the ending of the movie Swiss Army Man

I recently watched Swiss Army Man and wasn't quite sure about the ending at first. The only thing, that was clear to me: I would have ended the movie the same way and it made sense, but why? I dismissed my first thought, that the directors just wanted to fuck with us, pretty quickly, because the movie is full of symbolism and thought-through; the ending had to be as well.

SPOILERS AHEAD

The movie is centered around Hank, who's about to kill himself in the beginning of the movie. The first few shots show us silent cries for help written on trash floating aimlessly in the endless ocean, only thereafter to show us an deserted island, where we next get introduced to Hank in the very moment before his attempt to hang himself. It can't get more metaphorical, than to introduce a suicidal main character on an deserted island in the middle of the ocean.

Most people pay little attention to the opening of a movie, although they usually tell us (at least in art house movies...) everything we need to know and what's about to happen. Let's take 2001: A space odyssey for example. While most people just see the sun, the earth and the moon in the beginning, it actually tells us from it's perspective and the way it's shot, that this movie is about humanity as a whole, portrayed from an outside perspective. Of course, there's a lot more to be said about the opening of 2001 but this should give you a glimpse, that there's often a deeper meaning to what you see. Other great examples are the opening of Melancholia and The Prestige by the way, the later showing us the whole climax of the movie without us noticing.

Let's go back to Swiss Army Man. There is way too much going on in the ending scene, so I'm just going to explain why the break that happens, which makes the ending ambiguous and unsatisfying for many, makes sense. Right before the break, the directors leave the metaphorical level and show us, that everything that happend has been a product of Hanks mind. Manny (= mannequin/manifestation), was indeed a dead corpse all along, that has been dragged through the forest by the severly mentally ill Hank.

This is way too dark of an ending and diminishes all the messages, the movie had presented thus far. Like Hank, who was too shy to ever talk to Sarah, the directors shy away from ending the movie this way as well. By letting us go back into the magical fantasy world, which leaves us with a more positive feeling after the movie has ended, the directors further underline the social critisism that has been stated throughout the movie, by showing that they themselves are not in any way better. Like the beginning already told us, the disclosed events of the ending are not to be taken literally.

That's at least my explanation of the higher concept for the ending, disregarding all the conveyed messages within the scene.

I wrote a book! In two weeks?!

Well, not exactly. It's a first draft. The rough words, which now will be formed into a diamond. I participated in the national novel writing month or short NaNoWriMo, where people from all over the world come together and set themselves the goal to write 50'000 words within the month of November. This makes 1'667 words per day. Having trouble getting the work on your essay for school done? After NaNoWriMo this won't happen again. There is no price for winners or anything, it's all about getting people to write and to finally start working on their long-dreamed projects. That's exactly what I did.

The idea the write a book has been in my mind since forever and just a week before I've had the idea to do a short sprint of 3'000 words for ten days to get started. I had never heard of NaNoWriMo before until I stumbled upon it by accident on the 1st November. Now or never, and my odyssey began. In the beginning I mostly stuck to the minimum word count per day, but slowly I began writing more. It was not enough of a challenge for me, so in the second week I set my personal goal to 5'000 words per day. This was definitely not easy anymore. There were times, where every word felt like a fight and I would take a look at my daily wordcount every couple hundred words. It was torture but there were also other times, where the words were just flowing onto the paper. I especially remember one 90min session, where I managed 4'500 words.

But I wasn't only writing on my book; on the side I was still writing articles and lots of other stuff, which led to an overexertion of my left wrist. At one point I was in so much pain, I couldn't write anymore with my left hand but there were still 500 words left to write so I did what everyone would do: I continued only using my right hand. While the word sprints, where you try to write as much as possible within a given time, were the best thing ever in terms for motivation and getting words down, I clearly did too many of them. I hate writing slowly. Why slow down, when you can go fast? I paid the price for it and even over a week later I still have to be careful to not write too much or too fast.

Afterall, the fifteen days it took me to reach the 50'000 words were pure bliss and showed me once again how much I love writing. Even more, when I wasn't able to anymore. 50'000 words are hard to grasp, it doesn't really sound like that much but actually it's over 100 pages in word with Arial sized 11 and more than 320'000 characters. Formated into a book this makes 150 to 200 pages but first comes the editing. This will take a while because I'm an underwriter, there's a lot of descriptions to be added now besides the editing of all the sentences.

What's my book about, you may ask? It's about my experiences as a solo traveller. I took all the best stories that happened during the last seven years since I started travelling and started writing them down. Some of them are unbelievable, some I may have told to you before but what all of them have in common: they show the positive sides of the world. The chosen stories did not only have to be entertaining for other people but me, I also focused on showing different cultural backgrounds. At the moment the book contains 21 short stories, a couple of them definitely PG18. On my list I have ten other stories to be written down, but time will tell what makes it into the book and what not. There is still a long road to go, but I'm very much looking forward to finish this book and later publish it. 

The WOW Experience

My time in the US had come to an end. After two months it was time to fly back to Europe. While there are many great stories to tell about my travels there, this one is about how it took me two and a half days to fly from Los Angeles to Europe and how I ended up in Amsterdam instead of Bristol with all the crazyness that happened in between and after.

Disclaimer: Sex, Drugs & Techno

Los Angeles – The long game

It was eight in the morning when my alarm went of, not the time I usually get up, especially not in the environment where I was in. For the past ten days I had lived in a flat right next to downtown LA with actors, artists, dancers and writers. It can't get more LA. While the city itself is frowned upon tourists and classified as boring and not worthwile seeing, I had a completely different experience because I mostly hung out with locals but before we get lost in this unreal, superficial and rich cosmos, let's get back to the main story.

As I said, eight o'clock, I had already packed my stuff and called an Uber to LAX. My flight was supposed to take off at 12.40pm but since LAX is such a huge airport I wanted to make sure to have plenty of time left when I arrive. At 9am the counters opened, I checked in my backpack (it's only getting heavier, now about 25kg!) and went through security. There were two flights from WOW airline to Reykjavik listed at 12.40pm which seemed strange, even more strange was, that those two were the only ones who haven't been assigned a gate yet. While one was stated as On Time, the other one was delayed to 11.20pm. I was hoping it wasn't my flight.

The waiting game began. Midday approached, still no gate. The other flight changed shortly to 1.20pm, while the other disappeared from the screens. 1pm came, still no gate. The other flight had popped up shortly again only to vanish a few minutes later. Something was wrong. Suddenly the scheduled time changed back to 11.20pm and stayed. It was almost 3pm when I went out of the airport again and asked at the information desk what was up. As I feared, my flight was delayed and rescheduled to 11.20pm.

My laptop was in my backpack that I had already checked-in but I had my Kindle with me and plenty of time to finally finish Armada by Ernest Cline, the author who wrote Ready Player One. The free wifi at the airport was extraordinary bad and just once in a while I could get online. When I did, I saw that I had received an email from the flight company just ten minutes after I had left the flat which would have informed me that the new time for my flight was at 11.20pm, shit happens.

At 4pm came another email saying that the flight got further delayed and will now be at 1.30am. It was getting silly. In the evening came the last email which informed me, that all passengers with onward connections to Europe will overnight in Reykjavik and be provided with accommodation. That was the first good news of the day! Since I haden't booked anything in Europe and had been thinking about staying in Iceland for a couple of days anyways, this was the perfect arrangement for me.

It was now 1.30am and I was waiting at the gate with all the other passengers. We should have boarded a long time ago. The reason why we hadn't: The cabin crew was late. At this point it really didn't matter anymore but when the crew finally arrived after 2am everyone applauded and some people even gave standing ovations. The overall mood of the crowd was mostly positive, trying to make the best out of the situation. A few were clearly pissed and it didn't help at all that there was no news for us about our connecting flights. The only answer we got is that there will be someone waiting in Reykjavik to give us further details.

I don't remember anymore when we finally boarded the plane, but I do that we didn't take of for more than another hour because "some papers had to be approved". It was 3.45am when the plane finally left the ground, nearly everyone was asleep by then. This was also due to the fact that the oxygen in the plane was lowered to make everyone dizzy and prevent any riots. When I woke up a few hours later all the lids of the windows had been shut and it was almost pitch black in the plane. I looked around and literally no one else I saw was awake. I couldn't stay awake and read and was passing in and out until the lights went back on and one of the cew members announced that we only have 1.5 hours left until we land. Shortly after they came with the wagons to buy food and drinks. During the whole time we had been offered nothing and since the flight time was supposed to be only 7.45 hours they were not required by law to do so.

When we landed it was already 6pm in the evening. There was one WOW counter at the departure/arrival lounge and quickly a very long line formed since there was just one person operating it. The answer when asked someone from the airport why so: They didn't expect such a rush....

Others told me that they can't help at the desk and that we have to go and pick up our luggage, after there will be someone waiting for us with news at the meeting point. So far no one had a clue what's gonna happen. The fact, that also the baggage claim took way longer as it's supposed to didn't make it easier.

My backpack was one of the last to appear and nearly everyone had already left. When I came to the entrance of the aiport there was no one I recognised. Luckily I discovered the meeting point shortly after at the opposite side of the airport where a bulk of people was standing. Four gentleman were waiting there. They gave everyone infos about their new flight and which hotel they are staying in. After this process we could go to a shuttle which would bring us to our hotels. I had made a different booking, but with the same airline going out from Reykjavik to Bristol and for this reason I wasn't on the list as I had feared the whole time. They made a couple of phone calls and once again I was the last one to board the shuttle. By this time I had already made plenty of friends and our shuttle felt like a party bus or a field trip in school.

The more than 220 stranded passengers got split up in four hotels. Two in downtown and two outside. Our bus was the one going to downtown which was a beautiful one hour drive through Icelands magical landscape. WOW airline has it's headquarters in Reykjavik itself and while driving into the city we saw a couple of advertisements and the HQ itself which resulted in loud booing followed by laughter from the whole bus.

It was after 10pm when we arrived at our hotel, the Plaza, right in the city center. We had decided to meet up with the people from the other hotel later and enjoy the time we have in Reykjavik. Suprisingly the check-in was super simple and I got a double-room because all the singles were already gone. I don't want to know how much the delay costed the airline because our rooms were almost 300$ per night and we spent there not even 5 hours.

Reykjavik – No sleep till ...?

Everybody went to have a shower and our little group consisting of five people headed out into town at 11.30pm. Needless to say, the temperature difference from 39°C to 9°C was brutal and since nobody had really eaten since forever the night was destined to become legendary when we hit the first bar. While the feeling of time was already inexistent thanks to the seven hours difference, the fact that it never got dark and the sky shone in light grey the whole night made me completely lose any sense of space and time.

We had time until three o'clock, that's when the first shuttle would pick us up to the airport. My flight was supposed to be at 6.20am as I've been told before at the airport. There would also be another shuttle at 7am for the people with flights at 10am but everybody was aiming for the first one. You didn't want to take any chances and even the reception at the hotel told us so.

With only three hours left on the clock, the first two pitchers were emptied fast and we headed to the next bar. Since I was the only one who had been in Iceland before I headed our little group to the cool places I remembered. Just outside the next bar we saw a fight between two guys happening and one got pinned down to the floor by the security. While this was happening on the right side of us, on the left were three girls making out in a car. We couldn't decide where to look at.

We were just about to head into the bar when we noticed the group from the other hotel standing just a couple of meters away from us. It was an explosion of joy. Everyone was hugging and screaming. Thinking about it still gives me goosebumps. Together we went to their hotel because it was closer then ours and we raided all the minibars because WOW was paying for it or better said, we let them pay for it but let's not get into any details here...

The other guests in the hotels must have hated us. We were more than ten people hanging out in one room and once all the alcohol was gone we went outside and wanted to go to our hotel. Since time was running out, it was already 2pm, the others decided to stay at their hotel.

On our way back to the Plaza, by now we were only four people left, we met a French girl again we had encountered an hour ago and once again there was an exchange of screams of joy and tight hugs. The whole city seemed to be ecstatic, also because Iceland had won a match in the European Football Championship a couple of hours ago.

Back in our hotel we gathered in my room and the last reserves of alcohol were emptied while we started singing together until it was 2:40am and everybody went back to their rooms to pack their stuff, well not everyone. I've had an eye on the girl in our group since we first met at the airport in Reykjavik and when everyone left, she stayed. We both had to pack our things though so we decided she would quickly go up to her room and come back in five minutes. I packed my stuff and waited...and waited...the time was running out and at 2:50am I decided to check out and go to the lobby where all the other guests were already waiting.

It was 2:55am when she arrived in the lobby. She got hold up by another guy from our group with the same intentions but was torn since she had already promised to come back to me. The three of us were standing in the lobby, nobody was sure what to do and the shuttle was nowhere to be seen yet. That's when she said, that we still got five minutes left and we should follow her. Still indecisive we watched her walking to my room, which should have been locked and I didn't have my key card anymore but call it whatever you want, but somehow I haden't closed the door properly and she disappeared inside. I started walking to my room, followed by the other guy.

While he left after maybe ten minutes, it was already 3.40am when she and me went back to the now emtpy lobby. We had missed the shuttle. Acting very innocent and bending the truth a little bit by saying we got left behind while we grabbed our stuff from the room, we managed to get a free taxi to the aiport. Paid once again by WOW.

It was already after 5am when we arrived at the airport. We tried to check in at the computers but it didn't work and my flight destination Bristol wasn't even listed. We joined the huge line for the check-in and met three other members of our WOW family again while waiting. Another guy from our little family was also supposed to go to Bristol and he told me that there is no flight from Reykjavik to there today and he now is supposed to fly first to Dublin and after to Bristol. I got already offered to come to Amsterdam with her instead, where she had already booked a room and now was the time where I decided to change my destination. You might wonder why I even wanted to go to Bristol in the first place. I was supposed to meet someone there who is very close to me but things had gotten complicated just a couple of days ago and instead of a full week we could have only meet up for one day but that's another very long story that is still being written.

The guy working at the desk was clearly suprised about my request to change the destination but since it meant less costs for them, all worked out after a couple of phone calls and I got my flight to Amsterdam at 10am with the others. They actually wanted to have the 6am flight but they got told that there is no more space in this one (we later got a picture from someone from our wow family showing that there were plenty of seats still free).

The time went by surprisingly fast and due to our totally fucked up feeling for time it felt totally normal to drink wine at 7am and continue until 10. Everyone was nervous, would we get this plane on time? The clock was ticking and there was no plane outside the gate to be seen. Finally one showed up, but it was completely white and not purple like all the other wow planes. At 10am we had no boarded yet, but started shortly after. Officially we were not delayed. In the meantime I got pretty tired and passed out in my seat. My wonderful dreams got suddenly interrupted by somebody touching me and when I opened my eyes I got a friendly "you've been WOWed!". Our flight got delayed one hour but at least this time they had waited to announce it until everyone was boarded. The clock said it was already 11.30am. As a nice surpise, because the cabin crew was actually from another company (this flight was only happening because of all the delays) we got drinks and a sandwich! It felt like heaven. Like on the flight from LA they closed all the window lids after we had taken off and the plane got dark, I never saw that before on a day flight. I fell asleep again until we landed and even then had a hard time to stay awake.

Amsterdam - Animals & Angels

When we finally arrived in Amsterdam it was already past 6pm and we where basically floating to the hotel room. Time, space, it was all fluid without importance and separation. But there was no time for relaxation, at 9pm we had to be at another hotel to meet two other guys from our wow family again. They had been doing blow since LA and we had to meet them because my female companion was friends with one of the headliners of the Defqon1 festival and his dealer was coming to their hotel with supplies for them.

We would have almost been on time but got out at the wrong trainstation and had therefore to walk half an hour, which was nice because the weather was hot, it felt like LA after the cold icelandic climate. We hadn't eaten yet and it felt like torture when we had to walk past a Mc'Donald's and couldn't go in because we were already late.

We settled in the billard room of the hotel where there was also another guy called Casper from Poland. He insisted on offering drinks and after the first beer it was clear that the chance to eat was gone now. The beers kept coming faster than I could drink and there were moments when I had up to three drinks in front of me because one of the other guys, Josh, was Asian and gave his Whiskey Colas to me since he, his words, genetically can't drink that much

The room closed at midnight and we ventured into the city centre of Amsterdam with an Uber. Our goal was one of the hottest clubs called The Church, which turned out to be a gay bar and the theme for the night seemed to be animals since some people were wearing spandex costumes and weird masks. It was definitely one of the craziest clubs I've seen around the world. I was very pleased when a tiger walked by with a plate full of cookies and took one, finally food! My female companion, let's call her Mia because it makes it easier, also took one. After I started eating Josh asked me if I'm aware that these are hash cookies. I wasn't, but was even more pleased by the fact! Here a short video from the balcony to give you an impression:

You may wonder what the next sentence of that bet was. I don't remember but what I do is that the others immediately bet on me because "he's the most handsome of us". *blush* Like 2min later I had to go to the bathroom and everybody had won because I got hit on three times on the way there and back. I was on fire, it felt good to be wanted. After maybe one hour we headed out again because the other guys didn't feel that comfortable.

Our next stop was the famous red light district. A weird as fuck place with women standing half naked in windows trying to lure in the lustfully tourist. On the way there Mia and I came up with the arrangement that this night would be my turn and that it is her job to find a girl to come back with us. While this story would have been even more epic, I have to disappoint you, it wasn't a stripper, but we'll come to it shortly. 

We went into another bar and besides a couple of drinks one guy also offered us a piece of his hash brownie. Seems the only food I would get tonight was spiced with drugs but food was food. The bar was not really my case, it was way too crowded and I passed the time convincing Josh to go and talk to the girl he had an eye on. He was way too shy and I was just about to go over to her myself, when the other guys wanted to leave. We wandered around the streets for a while and Josh got some french fries with cheese which he shared with me. They were unbelievably delicious. The other guy, Drake, had a bit too much to drink and probably other things started to freak out. He wanted to go back to the hotel. He and Josh left and now only Mia and me were left of the WOW family. 

I still felt surprisingly good and me and Mia wandered around the streets trying to find a girl for us. After a couple of minutes we got into a conversation with some guys sitting in chairs on the pavement in front of a store. It didn't take long until one of them went inside and gave us more beer. By this time I felt invincible. I can't recollect how it happened but I somehow started to plan an orgy. I talked about it with one of the guys and he also wanted to help me to find another girl. We talked for a bit and suddenly there was this girl.

She was from the Ukraine, tall, skinny, a face like an angel with long blonde straight hair. She was a bit shy, but still curious and very polite. In this moment she was the sweetest girl on earth and everyone admired her. She was in Amsterdam with a friend for the Coldplay concert tomorrow and as it turned out it was also her birthday. It didn't take long to find out, that there was nothing happening between her and her friend. He was not important and I didn't speak much with him. My focus was on her. Since it was originally Mia's job to find a girl she tried to work her magic but the girl was not affected by it at all. She was definitely  interested in me though. At one point I was talking with Mia how to get her and also the other guy gave me tips. It was such an absurd night. 

I started talking to her and there came the moment where you forget about the whole world around you. It was only me and her and I hadn't noticed that we were alone outside and how close we were standing to each other, our faces only a few inches apart. She was shy, I was high as I kite, I missed the chance because I didn't see it. She was in, I had her but then something else happened: The weed hit Mia all of a sudden and she completely freaked out and left. I went after her and tried to calm her down, which didn't work. She wanted to go back to the hotel and told me to stay and have fun with the girl because she didn't wanna ruin my night. Again she started walking away and I tried to catch up with her, shouting her name until she finally stopped. Clearly I couldn't leave her alone in this state and I had promised her earlier that I will look after her this night. She was a complete mess and started crying. I took her in my arms and after a while she started to calm down again.

Now I had to bring us back to the hotel somehow and I only remembered the name of it. I managed to find an open wifi network the call an Uber and together with the driver I figured out where the hotel was while she passed out on the backseat. Back at the hotel, the sun was already rising. Luckily she could still walk and I managed to maneuver her to the room and into the bed. I closed the curtains, set the alarm to 11.30am, half an hour before check-out and left the room. I went outside to smoke a cigarette and to resonate about life. How did I end up to be the more or less responsible one? What the fuck happened in the last days? It was already 6am when I finally found some sleep, for the first time in a bed again after three days.

While life didn't exactly got back to normal after this, Mia and I parted ways in the afternoon and the WOW experience came to an end. A story I will remember for a long, long time.Fun fact: All the flights back home a couple of days later from the people I met were delayed as well. If you want an adventure, book WOW airline, if you need to be somwhere in time leave it be for god's sake. 

In der Luft

Die gesichtslose Stimme schlägt hoch die Wellen.

Reitend der Verlorene, seine unwiderrufbare Entscheidung gefällt beim Überlassen seines Seins der unbändigen Natur.

Momente entscheiden über Ekstase oder  Unglück, abhängend von der Gnade der Unberechenbarkeit.

Der Tragödie nah, sich nochmals rettend, fangen die Zweifel an zu nagen.

Unendlich scheint die Strecke, doch ersichtlich ist das Ziel.

Ein gekonnter Sturz brächte heilbare Wunden in Aussicht, doch der Verlorene ist blind vor Hoffnung.

 Der Routine entsagend, stellt das Ende die einzige Option dar; unbedeutend dessen Ausgang.

Ahnungslos, von Unsicherheit geplagt, reitet er ihr mit verschlossenen Augen entgegen.

Schicksalsschläge

Die Zeit vergeht im Fluge. Vieles hat sich ereignet in den letzten Monaten; zu vieles, um alles in einem Beitrag zu erzählen. Wo sollte ich da nur anfangen? Die emotionale Achterbahnfahrt der Planung und Durchführung einer crowdfunding Kampagne? Das Ausbrechen aus einer schwierigen Situation dank der Unterstützung unzähliger Menschen? Wie ich am Tiefpunkt einen ganz speziellen Menschen kennen gelernt habe, der mir neue Hoffnung gab und mich seither täglich begleitet? Mein neues Zuhause in einer italienischen WG? Warum ich nach einer Woche in Berlin an einem Tag 20h geschlafen habe? Wie ich in New York fast die Nacht auf der Strasse verbringen musste? Warum das Wetter in Boston scheisse ist?

Nein, ich will eine spezielle Lebensgeschichte mit euch teilen, die nichts mit mir selber zu tun hat. Eine Geschichte, die selbst mir zunächst zu unglaublich erschien, um wahr zu sein. Über die Tage lernte ich die Person jedoch besser kennen und habe keinen Zweifel mehr an deren Wahrheit.

Als wir das Gebäude verliessen setzte er seine spezielle Brille auf, die seine empfindlichen Augen gegen das Licht schützen. Kurz zuvor nahm er noch einen letzten tiefen Zug von seinem Spray gegen seine unzähligen Allergien. Essen, Reinigungsmittel, sein Körper reagiert äusserst sensibel auf sämtliche Einflüsse. All zu lange spazieren wir nicht, da seine Rückenschmerzen ihm Probleme bereiten. Stehen ist in Ordnung, lange Zeit gehen, liegen oder sitzen nicht. Ein Blick die Vergangenheit des 34-jährigen Mannes und die körperlichen Beschwerden werden erklärbar.

Es fing bereits in der Kindheit an. Psychisch misshandelt und vernachlässigt von den Eltern wurde er von Verwandten zu Verwandten weiter gereicht, aufgrund der finanziellen Unterstützung des Staates kämpften die Eltern jedoch um das Sorgerecht und erlangten dieses schlussendlich. Er wurde gezwungen bei ihnen leben zu müssen. In der Armee fand er neue Geborgenheit, war im Irak und Afghanistan, bis er von einem eigenen Soldaten in den Rücken geschossen wurde. Zum Glück trug er eine Schussweste, die Wunde ist aber auch nach mehreren Jahren noch gut ersichtlich. Der nächste Schicksalsschlag ist nur schwer verdaulich. Mittlerweile hatte er Frau und Kind, diese wurden bei einem Einbruch erschossen und er ist seither Witwer.

Trotz all der Scheisse, die er erleben musste, weilt er heute noch unter uns und gab nie auf. In der Religion fand er neue Hoffnung und kann wieder lachen, obwohl der Schmerz und die Trauer noch immer tief in seinen Augen erkennbar ist. Selbstverständlich ist dies keine Aufforderung zum Glauben, sondern soll euch selber Hoffnung geben. Egal wie schlimm die Situation momentan aussieht, es gibt immer einen Lichtblick, jemand der bereit ist zu helfen.